Tony Paker by 鄭安廷
Why was he successed in the NBA?It was because his hard-working and his well learning ability .When he just got to the NBA,he sometimes was very foolhardy.And sometimes made his team lost.So his coach was always angry at that time and even wanted to kick him out of the team.But i am glad he didn't do such a terribe things.At those years,you saw there were many fo his teammate would tell him about his fault.And Tony Parker was always listen carefully to overcome the mistake.Now he is the leader of the San Anonio Spurs .And I think he can lead his team to the NBA Champion again.
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In these sentences when after a period as possible as avoid begin with word"And",you can use another better word.such as "for example","for instance".....after these change I think this paragraph will become more better.
I think that there were some grammer were wrong.For example "i"have to be capital.There also have some small mistake.I think you can look again your essay to check the mistake.I hope that my comment can help you.
Everyone want to be successful need hard-working.Someone said successful need 1% talent and 99% work.so we should work hard.Even though maybe it will have many baffle in road.your paragraph is very touch my hard.
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