My Successful Person by CHANDLER Huang
What makes my person successful,I think it is determination,since him was little,his dream is to become a rapper.And then,he succeed,though he has many tough times,he still never give up,he isn't care what other people use which way to see him.His songs all have his own style,in his songs he scolded many people even America president,but he still uses his own style.Now he is a popular rapper.
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I think you can write better for the next time.It was because your English is very good.Go go Chandler!
I think some part of your grammer isn't perfect enough. I suggest that you can read some essay written in English. It will be a good thing for you.
You should avoid to use too may comma in your paragraph. It means your paragraph is only a senetence. And it is hard for the reader to read your paragraph.
Though your grammer is not that bad,but you still need to get supior to now.Surposing you start studying hard from this moment,
I think you may be as wonderful as I am.
Who is "He."Maybeyou can type more thins about this person.Adding more adjectives can make your paragraph better.I think you will be able to write good paragraph.Keep going.
thank for your suggestion but you spell a word wrong...."supior" miss a letter...and "but" can't appear after with word "though".
i would like to know who your successful person is.you have talk about his personality.but you should let us know the name then we can connect it with things we know.you can with some story.
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